Elvis Has Left The Building

Some things are just too funny not to laugh about, no matter how politically incorrect they are. This is one of them.

The Royals' projected #2 starter, Runelvys Hernandez, has been placed on the disabled list and will start the season in the minor leagues because....he's fat.

Now, they didn't say he was fat. What they said was he has a "stamina" problem. That's code for fat. I wish they would have just said that, because it's indisputable. Hernandez showed up in Spring Training weighing, get this, 280 pounds on his 6'1" frame. That's pitiful.

Hernandez isn't some 6'7" giant like C.C. Sabathia, who can carry a lot of weight because of his natural frame without having it affect his performance. Sabathia weighs 290 according to his ESPN card, and it doesn't affect him a bit. He's got a .605 career winning percentage on mostly poor teams and a respectable 4.10 ERA. If Hernandez posted numbers that even approached that, the Royals surely wouldn't care if he came to camp with a chain of chocolate doughnuts around his neck.

But Runelvys doesn't have numbers like that. He's a guy with a 5.00 career ERA, and 19-23 record. He's a guy with a reconstructed elbow that could probably use some help from his legs, if only they weren't too busy trying to hold up his massive bulk instead of driving off the mound.

I'm glad the Royals sent him the message that he can't let himself get into such crappy condition and still expect a roster spot.

Other Royals Notes:

• Speaking of doughnuts, apparently Shane Costa had to miss a game because of an allergic reaction he had to a couple of soy-containing doughnuts he ate. Only on the Royals.
• Don't look now, but the Royals are raking in Arizona. The scored another fifteen runs today in slaughtering the Giants, and show a lot of signs of being a decent offensive club this season. The key thing to watch is the percentage of the team's plate appearances that go to players with above average on-base percentages. Last year, the Royals were really bad at sending players to the plate who were good at getting on base. Only Matt Stairs, David DeJesus, Emil Brown, Mike Sweeney, Tony Graffanino, Aaron Guiel, and Denny Hocking posted a better OBP than the league-wide mark of .330. Throw in a handful of plate appearances from Jose Lima nd Zack Greinke, who were also above that mark, and the Royals totaled just 41.52% of the total plate appearances from players with above average on-base ability. That was the second-worst mark in the league, barely trailing only the 41.48% posted by the White Sox. Bear in mind that the White Sox were not a good offensive ballclub last year, scoring only 4.57 runs per game, 9th in the league, a mark they manage only because they hit 200 homers, a figure the Royals couldn't even dream of reaching. Without any real power to speak of, the Royals simply have to get runners on base this year. They have a chance at being much better at it than last year, not only because Sweeney and DeJesus should both be in the lineup more, but because two of the three new regulars in the lineup, Mark Grudzielanek and Reggie Sanders, were also above-average in OBP last season, and Doug Mientkiewicz's career mark is .359. Throw in the development of Mark Teahen, whose entire offensive reputation in the minors was based upon him being a patient hitter, and the Royals could suddenly have a lineup on most days that sports seven guys with above-average ability to reach base. Wouldn't that be refreshing?